Always Stay Humble And Kind

I decided to title my first blog post after the name of a song that has really spoken to me recently; "Humble And Kind" by Tim McGraw. Bare with me while I try to write this post on both introducing myself to the blogger world, and connecting me and my life at the current state, to this song.

I graduated from the best place on earth, Penn State, about a year ago. I majored in public relations but I took enough journalism classes to know how to write a really good book, or a really good blog, or a really good Instagram caption. Writing has always been a passion of mine and I’ve thought about starting a blog many times, but for some reason something always stopped me. However, I think now I am at a place in my life where writing these things out (by 'these things' I mean my dramatic and overly sensitive emotions, and self-inflicted problems) will not only be a form of pure catharsis for me, but also a hope that people read them and realize that they are not alone in how they feel, it’s okay to feel the way they feel, and life is beautiful, even through the shitty parts. Welcome to my blog; buckle your damn seat belt because my life is a bumpy ride like 99.9% of the time.

Penn State has my heart. It’s where I changed, became extremely independent, and grew into the person I am so proud to be today. I thought that when I graduated, my life would be picture perfect. I thought that I’d have a Penn State boyfriend, that I would make it big in the music industry very quickly, and make a good amount of money after the first few years of my career. None of those things have happened so far. I mean I do work in the music industry which is pretty cool. No one important knows who the hell I am though. But like it’s my first job cut me some slack people. While I am so thankful and grateful to have the life I have, I cannot say I am the happiest person in the world. I mean, who is really? It's not because of the money, and I'm not concerned about that part of my now nonexistent plan. In my personal opinion, money can definitely bring you some sort of comfort in your life, but it cannot bring happiness or mental clarity and stability. So I'm not too worried about the "make a good amount of money after the first few years of my career" thing... money will come with time. And hey, I still have a crapload of fun with my incredible friends so who cares right!

You cannot always be happy 24/7. Sadness, fear, and anger are healthy emotions that are meant to help us grow and learn. I have experienced a lot of those emotions over the past year, as well as crazy happiness, bliss, and peace.

Amongst these feelings I’ve had since graduation, also came lots of bad decisions and stupid drunk nights, embarrassing conversations that only alcohol can induce, and many realizations that I need to kind of change a bit. This wasn't college anymore, and things are different now. So I did just that; I changed. I stopped giving time to men who didn't deserve it, I stopped putting myself out there and drawing attention to myself and my body by wearing crop tops at the bar every friggin night, and I stopped thinking about what's next for me. I stopped thinking that life would be a breeze, and that I wouldn’t have to work long nights, and that money would come quickly to me. But most importantly I tried to remember that change is good for the soul. So I embraced it with open arms.

While some of these changes were a bit difficult and cost me a lot of money (I spent so much on more age-appropriate clothes that gave the impression that I’m not trying to hook up, AKA get away from me but I'll still take the drink you’re trying to buy me), I did them anyway and started to feel good about it.

I know for a fact that in this blog’s future, multiple posts will be about boys and the shitty things they make me feel. And maybe the good things they make me feel when a nice one is found in the fucking disaster of a generation we live in. I say this because I feel as though as the world has changed and aged over the years, men suddenly have just become meaner and cockier, and have less of a regard for women. I mean look at the movies and music from the 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s. For example, Frank Sinatra once wrote: "You are all I long for // All I worship and adore." Today, we have the honor and privilege of listening to these beautiful lyrics: "Shawty want a thug, bottles in the club // Shawty wanna hump, you know I'd like to touch your lovely lady lumps." I mean really???? (Don't get me wrong, I love today's music and even shitty songs like Lollipop by Lil' Wayne, but you get my point) Look at your parents, and your grandparents. It was normal, and traditional for men to treat women with the utmost respect and adoration. Now, men will Snapchat you a mirror picture of their sub-par abs and fake ass sock bulge and expect you to find that super attractive and have sex with them. Like thanks, but no thanks.

Amongst my music industry dreams I have for myself, one of my dreams that I’ve had since as long as I can remember is getting married to a drop-dread gorgeous man and having a ridiculously over the top wedding. With that being said, it is also part of that dream for this man (bless his soul) to be someone who would do anything for me, just like how Frank Sinatra would have done. A guy that would switch his dinner with mine because I like what he got better. A guy that would pick up tampons for me and gummy bears and maybe like a Kit-Kat the day I get my period just because he gets how much it SUCKS. A guy that would take my mother to lunch because he knows how important she is to me, even if she is a crazy Greek lady (she’s the funniest person I know so you’d have fun). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go out to the bar and expect to find my husband. I don’t search for him on the street and I don’t go on Bumble to meet the man of my dreams. To all my guy friends out there reading this, fucking relax. I’m not in love with you, and I never have been. If I was, you’d know. Trust me. I’d LET you know. But I’m not because like most of you suck anyways.

I have been single for five years. Five long years... However, if at some point in those five years I ended up in a relationship, I would have been a different person than I am right now at this second. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God has a path for us all. And me being single and lonelier than Bella in one of those terrible Twilight movies when Edward leaves her for a year and she cries every day and has reoccurring nightmares, is just part of His plan.

I guess I always wonder why God puts us through crappy situations and trying times that make us mad, or put in us in bad moods, or make us cry. What are the reasons behind continuously being let down by people you thought were different? Or not getting that job or position you were totally qualified for? Or someone comparable to an angel on Earth who was close to you and your family, passing away? Why do bad things happen to people? To keep you humble? To allow you to grow? To teach you lessons, even though you have no idea what those lessons are? Why do people go through shitty things and feel shitty feelings? I don't think we'll ever know the answers to any of these questions... Unless the second-coming of Christ happens within the next 3-5 business days. But seriously can it...? I have a lot of things to work out with you @God and I really don't feel like waiting around anymore. Impatience: a sensation felt very strongly all the time by Alexandra and other Greek women all over the world.

All of these points I’m making tie into the title of this blog post. I think the real message here and in the things I've experienced within the last year (more specifically within the last few months), is that all you can do is live your life, be kind to those that deserve your kindness, and be kind to those that don't. Stay humble when you reach your dreams, stay humble when you're struggling to get there. I used to have kind of internal conflicts with the word "humble." Growing up, I attended a Greek Orthodox summer camp almost every year until I was old enough to be a counselor. The priest who ran the camp (who is very dear to my heart) used to always tell us that humility is the most important quality to exhibit in yourself. I didn't understand it, or the word. I thought that kindness was the most important quality to emit. But finally, 10 years later after the first time that I heard this priest speak those words to myself and 200 tiny Greek Orthodox campers, I get it.

Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

To those that I’ve hurt at some point in my life, I’m sorry. To those that I made upset, or cry, or mad, I’m sorry. I think we all have our faults and flaws, and no one can be perfect. The most I can do is apologize for my actions and tell you that my future actions will be better, and I will not allow those I've done wrong to be wronged by me again. I know it will happen, everyone screws up. But I'll never stop trying to be better. The parts of me that I like to think of as my best qualities, like my humility, kindness, compassion, and the love I openly give to others, those parts of me will never go away. They’re second nature to me. This is not me trying to convince you that I’m a good person. I don’t need reinforcement from people that will read this, nor do I want it. Being a good person isn’t a chore, or a job. It’s a part of who you are.

I’m at a point right now in my life where I am having the realization that people suck. Not all people, but most people, suck. I am someone who will always make an effort to go out of my way for others, so naturally in return I'd expect others to go out of their way for me. NOPE. Not how it works. And all these things that I've written down in this post, i.e. boys, people who don't treat you the way you treat them, etc... have been some of the reasons why I was able to come to this conclusion. And its big for me to understand. My therapist (yes, I go to therapy, and have been for 9 years now, I have 0 shame and I think it’s a very under-talked about thing that more people should try), amongst other important people in my life, all said to me that most people will not be the way that you want them to be. Most people don’t give a shit about your party that means a lot to you; they’ll still tell you they’ll come but last minute make up an excuse as to why they can’t. Most people will tell you they’re there for you, but when you really need someone to talk to, they’re busy, or don’t want to get involved with more problems because they have their own. Most people will let you down. And that’s okay. I mean it’s made me upset a time or two, but instead of confrontation and argument, I’ve learned to let things go.

More people should realize that friendship is one of the most important things you could have and experience in your life. The people around you play a large part in why you are the way you are. I wish more people in this world cared about shit like I do. I wish everyone would recognize when someone they love is having a bad day and do something about it. I wish more people would go out of their way to do something nice for someone. Because that’s what I do. I love so much. I have so much love to give, and it doesn’t make me a bad person to expect to receive that love back. However, I won't. I won't get that same love back from everyone that I give it to. People don't give love like they should. There’s a Luke Bryan song called “I Believe Most People Are Good,” and yeah, in some sense, I believe that too, Luke. However, only few people in my life would do anything for me as I would for them. And by 'do anything for me,' I mean anything. I’ve been learning to keep those few people close to me, always stay thankful and grateful for those friendships, and continue to feed them. Because those are the true good ones. That doesn’t mean that I should stop being friends with every other person in my life. It just means that I understand who the friends are that I can have harmless, pure, drunken fun with. But I also understand that those people may not be the best ones to go to when I have a problem or need an honest conversation. And that's okay. It really is okay. I am so blessed to have the friends that I do. I have these big, awesome, unique groups of friends because I’ve always been involved in so much since I was little. I am very lucky and I know that, and never forget it.

I heard “Humble And Kind” for the first time at a Tim McGraw and Faith Hill concert just over a month ago. A good friend of mine in the music industry (already have connections, whoop whoop go me) gave me two tickets in the 11th row to see them perform. My mom is a huge Tim McGraw fan. She always says (and has said for years), “Tim comes over every Tuesday for lunch.” She also says this about Justin Timberlake too... So, for her birthday I told her I’d get her tickets. Seeing her face when her wannabe husband was three feet in front of her (yes, she ran up to the front row many times even though the venue staff yelled at her not to) was priceless and reminded me of why I wanted to be in the music industry to begin with. 1, to bring people the joy and raw emotion that music can make you feel, and 2, for my parents. I grew up listening to Tim and country music in general. Hearing him sing the songs your mom loves and made you listen to since as long as you can remember, was like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. When he sang this song, I stood there in complete amazement. I listened to the lyrics and started tearing up and couldn’t stop. This was all in public, by the way. I'm just an embarrassing person it's fine.

Hold the door, say please, say thank you // Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie // I know you got mountains to climb // But always stay humble and kind // When those dreams you’re dreaming come to you // When the work you put in is realized // Let yourself feel the pride // But always stay humble and kind //

Regardless of the hardships you endure, the hurt you feel when someone disappoints you, and the sadness and anger that you feel when a stupid boy chooses another girl over you, stay kind.

Regardless of the dreams you have for yourself, that one day you’ll make it big in the music industry, and marry the hottest man alive, or how you might have a big pool in your backyard that you hardly ever use, stay humble.

The song, its message, and my point to this first of many blog posts is not about having things that others don't. It's not about not having things that others do. It's about living your life for you and being the best person you can be at all times. No one will stop me from achieving my goals and reaching my dreams. No one will stop me from being who I am, and no one will stop me from remaining humble and kind, even when it’s hard to.

Always stay humble and kind. And always remember that life is too short to not ask for extra feta cheese on your Greek salad, please.