Welcome to Rejection-town: Population Me

So this is probably a more "sad" post... Some may even call it pathetic. But I don’t think it is. I think it’s very relatable, especially for women.

The other day I was re-watching a comedy special on Netflix of Iliza Shlesinger, a 35-year-old gorgeous, outspoken, wildly smart and incredibly funny comedian. She just got engaged (at 35 years old) and most of her special called “Elder Millennial” poked fun at the things girls do, feel, and think regarding men and being single. There was a bit where she talked about rejection, and how men take sexual/romantic rejection better than women do. Men hit on more girls, get more “at-bats” and have this mindset that eventually one will say yes. Women on the other hand, limit their “at-bats” to few if any, and if/when those shots backfire, the rejection felt is taken to a much more personal and extreme level than men take it.

Now, this is not true for all men, so boys don’t get your panties in a bundle. I know some of you out there are sensitive and endearing humans, and for that I thank you but also like where are you come to me.

For me, rejection is felt in one of two ways. The first way happens when I don’t really give a shit about the kid who I’m trying to hang out with, go out with, etc. I might think he’s attractive, fun, and maybe even a genuine good guy. But if I know deep down that I cannot see myself with him long term for whatever reason(s) and he rejects me, I say ‘Well then f*ck you and you don’t know what you’re missing out on.’ The other way I feel rejection is when I sincerely have an appreciation, liking, and desire for a man. He’s attractive, kind, funny, understands my sarcasm, and has many other qualities that I look for in someone I’d consider being with. This type of rejection is felt way deeper than the first feeling I described. This person isn’t just rejecting what you look like, your personality, what you wear… he’s rejecting who you are. And that shit cuts deep.

I am at a point in my life, although 23 years old, I am tired of being alone. I enjoy myself with my friends, I drink occasionally and have great times with loved ones, and I laugh so hard with these incredible souls in my life that we cry. I have all these beautiful moments, memories, friends, healthy family, a nice house, a working car, a job, and tons of expensive makeup. But at the end of the day, I still just want someone to share it all with. Even the makeup part. Like let me be your girlfriend I’ll hook you up with the best skincare products money can buy and you’ll never have dry skin or a pimple again @men.

I feel selfish for saying that. I feel selfish for having this beautiful life, yet still wanting more. More meaning a man to call my own. But I know I’m not alone in this. I don’t care that I’m “young.” That doesn’t mean shit. Yea I might be 23 but I’ve experienced a hell of a lot of heartbreak, let downs, pain, and both types of rejection. So, you can say it’s getting pretty old.

I’m getting sick of my family members trying to set me up with men. Or people asking about my attractive male friends to see if I’ve gone after any of them. I’m sick of not having someone to share holidays with. Or someone to help me clear the dinner table at my house and help me do the dishes so my mom doesn’t have to. I think that’s what hurts the most. Not having someone to bring to special events and then seeing so many of your friends and even family members with their significant others and you’re just alone. I’ve never been with someone for a single holiday, or a birthday of mine. I’ve never been able to bring someone as my plus one to a wedding, or a friends birthday party, or a special dinner.

I’m just sick of it all. You know?

I can only do one thing at this point, and as cheesy as it sounds, I think it will bring some clarity to others reading this. Pray. Trust in God and trust in yourself that your life is unfolding day-by-day, just as its supposed to. Pray, and God and the universe will guide you through life… the fun and exciting parts, and the scary and alone parts. Then one day, life will present you with what you’ve been waiting for and wanting since as long as you can remember. Every heartbreak, let down, pain, and type of rejection you’ve ever felt will be entirely worth it; because they led you to this person.

I won’t stop enjoying myself and my life in the meantime. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever be completely fulfilled and at my happiest point until I have that special person sitting across from me, watching my eyes widen as our waitress brings to the table my Greek salad with extra feta cheese.